life is....

Saw Sta. mesa today at the Vancouver Asian Film Festival. I wanted to cry at some parts but I just stopped myself. Then I saw my little sister crying, so its okay. I think she cried for me too.

Anyways, so talking to my ex on msn. Lol...I dunno how I felt when he's started writing stuff in korean...like his response "I see" or you know something...then, he wrote something
?? ?? and...."that's your name in Korean" so that made my mind shut up.

Alright long day tomorrow...here I come! :D

Ai

It was a pretty long day at work. Everything went smooth, but lately the amount of work has gone down - which is both good and bad.

I got a call from H, my workout buddy. Out of all my guy friends, this guy is probably one of the most motivated and really hard working guy. And fair enough, his work pays off. Heheh, lately I think I'm becoming cocky around him - getting comfortable.

Today, I opened up to him about meeting my exbf over the weekend. We went jogging around Rocky Point Park - that place is sooo beautiful. They've improved a lot of things in that park. There's also a new gym in Port Moody with touch screen treadmills (cool, eh?).

I think it hit me at one time, that park is actually the place where me and my ex first talked about our relationship. And it doesn't ache anymore to remember that. Its a really beautiful place now (and even then too).

I don't mean to be bringing up the ex. I just want to figure out what this means for me. A large part of me is truly very happy, I could cry (tears of joy) - really content that he is happy. Yet, I know this week has revealed other things - it opened up that space again. So who is for me?

On the other side of the globe, heheh I am so happy for my cousin Ai. Finally, she got the courage to say "hi" to her crush since forever. I got her offline messages heheh. I am so proud of her. I wonder where she blogs because she said she will write this date as memorable.

Hummm...dang, where is love?

Conversations with an exboyfriend

See previous post.

I don't want to put too much here, but I do want to say that today and yesterday is proof to me that God exists. Yesterday I bumped into my exboyfriend at Richmond Centre. I did not see him for about 2 years. I felt mixed emotions - my heart was racing, but it was not the same as before. I think, ultimately, I was just happy to see him.

He messaged me on msn today and we had this wonderful conversation. I know that sounds gay, and again, I am not trying to sound romantic, btw. The funny thing is, he bought up yesterday's meeting and he felt the same way I did. There really were no words to exchange. Maybe it was just through our eyes or smiles that we both send the message that we are both okay. He acknowledged that both of us didn't really have closure, but that time apart was necessary. And I agree.

God exists. I did not see this guy for 2 years. Its too much of a coincidence to bump into him at Richmond. Somehow he was fated to be there, and at this time of my life too. I'm going to call this month (july) "closure month". Honestly, there are guys coming up to me- even from highschool wanting to go for coffee- have that talk. And you know what, I'm okay with that.

He's got a girl he's seeing now. I know he will treat her well, and I hope she does the same too.

Everything was good until E said I kinda look chubby, damn...okay I am going to work out. Damn you hehehe.

Pain passes, but beauty remains.

This chapter is closed. I am good to go on the next one. Thank you, Big Guy.

First Chinese Wedding and more..

I pretty much spent the whole day with E. His co-worker got married. Hmm...the day was pretty long, because of a four hour break in between the church ceremony and reception.

One very unexpected event that happened to me is that I bumped into my exboyfriend while walking around Richmond Centre. I think me and E were leaving a cellphone store. This sounds really cliche; but, he was just there walking right in front of me. J, one of their family friends was there too. I felt like I had no knees. I was probably smiling like an idiot and babbling here and there. I knew I felt happy and awkward. Someone might as well have dropped a bucket of water on me.

Before, I used to think of the day I would run into him. I thought of things that I would say - and even then, I wouldn't really have anything to say. I've ran out of explanations and apologies. They're not enough. And today, just not necessary. I really felt relieved. I am happy. I know he is doing good. Thank you, Lord.

The wedding was traditional Chinese- 13 course meals! Yeah baby! :)

Oh! I bought a book too called "Socrates in Love"

Troilus And Criseyde

I first met G through a friend about 2 weeks ago. I remember walking along Granville St. with some friends- looking for a club to go into for P's bday. Anyways, no luck getting in Caprice because it was past midnight on a Saturday night. We traced our steps and I saw my friend B lining up at the Royale. B is friends with G. So that's how I know G.

Anyways, I saw G at school today and had probably the most interesting conversation with him. I'm not sure how it even started because it felt like we talked about everything. And, its one of those conversations where you feel really good afterwards hahaha. I think now its because he is taking psychology and I swear that guy will make a good therapis lol! Or it could because the conversation was a good mixture of listening and talking and enough silence in between.

He had to write a paper about this classic book called "Troilus and Criseyde" by Chaucer (The Canterbury).

Our talk traveled from our present, to the future, to different countries, to cultures, to God, to love and back. Troilus and Criseyde is apparently a very good story of love, but with a sad ending. What struck me most, G said that women in the story had said somethings that they would do, but never followed through. I was stunned for a moment. Memories of a someone came to my mind. Yes, I have done that in the past. He said he hopes not all women are like that.
I said I agree. But, I didn't really give him the answer to why women do that. I am guilty of that. I have promised and broke my words. Why?

Because....(I had to think this through although it really only points to related things). Because of fear. I lost the courage to follow through. Hope was fading. I was afraid of the outcome - which is ultimately, myself getting hurt.

Love and global warming

Yahoo convo with my cousin from the Philippines. I'm not sure if she knows how much she's helped me through and through.

Jas: hey ate ai
ai: helol
ai: hows ur summer?
Jas: ohh grabe ang init
Jas: parang pinas hehe
ai: talga..i hope its not because of climate change
Jas: 35 degrees yesterday
ai: or ganyan talga kasi summer nga
Jas: actually summer here gets really hot din
Jas: pero i think global warmning is happening too
ai: eh kamusta naman ang lovelife mo
ai: meron ba?
Jas: wala nga eh heheh
Jas: i dunno why..i still think of that guy.
Jas: its kinda frustrating ksi i feel like its an unfinished business hayyy
ai: ok lang yun.. ako din wala.. pero I'm happy.. dont know nga. why I dont have the yearning na to have a bf.. before I did pero now ok lang ako..may mga crush.. pero I just enjoy it
ai: hindi ba kayo nagusap bago sya umalis?
Jas: heheh..gosh i wanna go back there just to hook u up with kit!
Jas: seriouslyyy hahah
ai: hehehee
Jas: yeahh im okayy...we talked but i never got to say sorry or outright said that i liked him ganon
Jas: pero parang too late na ...ksi one yr na rin lumipas eh
ai: bakit ka magsosorry sa kanya did you do anything wrong?
Jas: yeah...i think we had some miscommunications
Jas: like iniimbitahan nya ako to go somewhere and i chose to go out with someone else
Jas: ewan...i feel stupid doing that..ksi i was scared of gettign closer and getting hurt
Jas: but i think eventually, i hurt myself anyway coz i did missed him a lot
Jas: pero i've gotten better na..i dont feel like seeing other guys right now tho
ai: hayaan mo.. kapag nagbakasyon ka dito.. would you like to meet him. para lang to say those things.. yung mga reasons mo that time.
ai: kahit na maging friends na lang kayo oka lang sayo?
Jas: honestly...i cant remember much na, its been awhile, but i just feel bad na ganon nangyari..and i guess somewhat regretting - i think that's whats bothering me
Jas: yeah ewan ko rin if i wanna be friends..and im sure he's different na rin
ai: jas, trust your feeling... if you felt that way before.. ok lang yun.. that's how you felt...
Jas: thank you
Jas: i just wanna feel at peace ulit

Cramming

Okay, my last year in university - and I still cram. WHY??! whyy? Anyways, I will reflect more on that later. I took a nap this afternoon. It's 4:17 am now and I can hear the birds chirping. I think I'll sleep for a bit. I really need more discipline.

There's a lot on my mind. This summer is more jam packed than I thought (hehe, eww..I said jam packed - that made me hungry and feel corny at the same time).

Alright, baboosh for now (eww.."baboosh?)

Performance review at work

I had my performance evaluation today. I thought it was an interesting experience. My manager, M, is really more of a friend/buddy/cool-mom person to me and I noticed why it was hard for her to keep the formality of it. Haha, we kept making fun of each other.

So she went over different evaluations based on work performance - getting the work done accurately and efficiently. There is a section on innovation which is bringing ideas to the work place. I think I have placed a minor business process, such as the WIP/funding deficiency that has kept all the deficient loan documents more secure. As a result, following up on documents is done efficiently. Anyways, I'll be on a look out for expediting more things.

Anyways, I thought of the filing system as well. I know nobody wants to do it, but I think it would be fulfilling to have those paper set! Grrr, hate looking for files. So that's a to do.

Those things really stood out to me.

I am a bit reserved at work - I need to be more open, I think. Just a bit more smile should do it :)

Anyways, that's it for now. I should get back to my economics homework.


Side note:
my e-mail to G.

hey!i was just tlaking to u,anyways i forgot to tell u...today at work - i went to the cafe next door to pick up lasagna for lunch.
sooooo i was waiting for the elevator.

DING.

elevator door opens. and inside was this gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous guy with a killer smile. omg, and i smiled like an idiot at him. i was totally checking him out in the mirror on the long elevator ride (5 floors lol!) to the main floor..sighhhhhhh

i thought of the axe commercial hahahahah!
that's all. hope the cuzn talk goes well. ciao.

jas

To read later

Ces Drillon, a news reporter from ABS-CBN was kidnapped. More on that later, its really buggin me. Anyways, homework for now...

I stumbled upon J.K. Rowling's speech on inquirer.net


The importance of imagination—J.K. Rowling
OPINION
By J.K. ROWLING
It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default


I have wracked my mind and heart for what I ought to say today. I have asked myself what I wish I had known at my own graduation, and what important lessons I have learned in the 21 years that has expired between that day and this.
I have come up with two answers. On this wonderful day when we are gathered together to celebrate your academic success, I have decided to talk to you about the benefits of failure. And as you stand on the threshold of what is sometimes called 'real life', I want to extol the crucial importance of imagination.
These might seem quixotic or paradoxical choices, but please bear with me.
Looking back at the 21-year-old that I was at graduation is a slightly uncomfortable experience for the 42-year-old that she has become. Half my lifetime ago, I was striking an uneasy balance between the ambition I had for myself, and what those closest to me expected of me.
I was convinced that the only thing I wanted to do, ever, was to write novels. However, my parents, both of whom came from impoverished backgrounds and neither of whom had been to college, took the view that my overactive imagination was an amusing personal quirk that could never pay a mortgage, or secure a pension.
They had hoped that I would take a vocational degree; I wanted to study English Literature. A compromise was reached that in retrospect satisfied nobody, and I went up to study Modern Languages. Hardly had my parents' car rounded the corner at the end of the road than I ditched German and scuttled off down the Classics corridor.
I cannot remember telling my parents that I was studying Classics; they might well have found out for the first time on graduation day. Of all subjects on this planet, I think they would have been hard put to name one less useful than Greek mythology when it came to securing the keys to an executive bathroom.
Poverty entails fear
I would like to make it clear, in parenthesis, that I do not blame my parents for their point of view. There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you.
What is more, I cannot criticize my parents for hoping that I would never experience poverty. They had been poor themselves, and I have since been poor, and I quite agree with them that it is not an ennobling experience. Poverty entails fear, and stress, and sometimes depression; it means a thousand petty humiliations and hardships. Climbing out of poverty by your own efforts, that is indeed something on which to pride yourself, but poverty itself is romanticized only by fools.
What I feared most for myself at your age was not poverty, but failure.
At your age, in spite of a distinct lack of motivation at university, where I had spent far too long in the coffee bar writing stories, and far too little time at lectures, I had a knack for passing examinations, and that, for years, had been the measure of success in my life and that of my peers.
I am not dull enough to suppose that because you are young, gifted and well-educated, you have never known hardship or heartbreak. Talent and intelligence never yet inoculated anyone against the caprice of the Fates, and I do not for a moment suppose that everyone here has enjoyed an existence of unruffled privilege and contentment.
However, the fact that you are graduating from Harvard suggests that you are not very well-acquainted with failure. You might be driven by a fear of failure quite as much as a desire for success. Indeed, your conception of failure might not be too far from the average person's idea of success, so high have you already flown academically.
Epic failure
Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.
Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairy tale resolution. I had no idea how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality.
So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me.
Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.
Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above rubies.
Test of adversity
The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more to me than any qualification I ever earned.
Given a time machine or a Time Turner, I would tell my 21-year-old self that personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a check-list of acquisition or achievement. Your qualifications, your CV, are not your life, though you will meet many people of my age and older who confuse the two. Life is difficult, and complicated, and beyond anyone's total control, and the humility to know that will enable you to survive its vicissitudes.
You might think that I chose my second theme, the importance of imagination, because of the part it played in rebuilding my life, but that is not wholly so. Though I will defend the value of bedtime stories to my last gasp, I have learned to value imagination in a much broader sense.
Imagination is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and therefore the fount of all invention and innovation. In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathize with humans whose experiences we have never shared.
Formative experience
One of the greatest formative experiences of my life preceded Harry Potter, though it informed much of what I subsequently wrote in those books. This revelation came in the form of one of my earliest day jobs. Though I was sloping off to write stories during my lunch hours, I paid the rent in my early 20s by working in the research department at Amnesty International's headquarters in London.
There in my little office I read hastily scribbled letters smuggled out of totalitarian regimes by men and women who were risking imprisonment to inform the outside world of what was happening to them. I saw photographs of those who had disappeared without trace, sent to Amnesty by their desperate families and friends. I read the testimony of torture victims and saw pictures of their injuries. I opened handwritten, eye-witness accounts of summary trials and executions, of kidnappings and rapes.
Many of my co-workers were ex-political prisoners, people who had been displaced from their homes, or fled into exile, because they had the temerity to think independently of their government. Visitors to our office included those who had come to give information, or to try and find out what had happened to those they had been forced to leave behind.
I shall never forget the African torture victim, a young man no older than I was at the time, who had become mentally ill after all he had endured in his homeland. He trembled uncontrollably as he spoke into a video camera about the brutality inflicted upon him. He was a foot taller than I was, and seemed as fragile as a child. I was given the job of escorting him to the Underground Station afterwards, and this man whose life had been shattered by cruelty took my hand with exquisite courtesy, and wished me future happiness.
And as long as I live I shall remember walking along an empty corridor and suddenly hearing, from behind a closed door, a scream of pain and horror such as I have never heard since. The door opened, and the researcher poked out her head and told me to run and make a hot drink for the young man sitting with her. She had just given him the news that in retaliation for his own outspokenness against his country's regime, his mother had been seized and executed.
Every day of my working week in my early 20s I was reminded how incredibly fortunate I was, to live in a country with a democratically elected government, where legal representation and a public trial were the rights of everyone.
Every day, I saw more evidence about the evils humankind will inflict on their fellow humans, to gain or maintain power. I began to have nightmares, literal nightmares, about some of the things I saw, heard and read.
Power of human empathy
And yet I also learned more about human goodness at Amnesty International than I had ever known before.
Amnesty mobilizes thousands of people who have never been tortured or imprisoned for their beliefs to act on behalf of those who have. The power of human empathy, leading to collective action, saves lives, and frees prisoners. Ordinary people, whose personal well-being and security are assured, join together in huge numbers to save people they do not know, and will never meet. My small participation in that process was one of the most humbling and inspiring experiences of my life.
Unlike any other creature on this planet, humans can learn and understand, without having experienced. They can think themselves into other people's minds, imagine themselves into other people's places.
Of course, this is a power, like my brand of fictional magic, that is morally neutral. One might use such an ability to manipulate, or control, just as much as to understand or sympathize.
And many prefer not to exercise their imaginations at all. They choose to remain comfortably within the bounds of their own experience, never troubling to wonder how it would feel to have been born other than they are. They can refuse to hear screams or to peer inside cages; they can close their minds and hearts to any suffering that does not touch them personally; they can refuse to know.
I might be tempted to envy people who can live that way, except that I do not think they have any fewer nightmares than I do. Choosing to live in narrow spaces can lead to a form of mental agoraphobia, and that brings its own terrors. I think the willfully unimaginative see more monsters. They are often more afraid.
What is more, those who choose not to empathize may enable real monsters. For without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves, we collude with it, through our own apathy.
Connection with outside world
One of the many things I learned at the end of that Classics corridor down which I ventured at the age of 18, in search of something I could not then define, was this, written by the Greek author Plutarch: What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.
That is an astonishing statement and yet proven a thousand times every day of our lives. It expresses, in part, our inescapable connection with the outside world, the fact that we touch other people's lives simply by existing.
But how much more are you, Harvard graduates of 2008, likely to touch other people's lives? Your intelligence, your capacity for hard work, the education you have earned and received, give you unique status, and unique responsibilities. Even your nationality sets you apart. The great majority of you belong to the world's only remaining superpower. The way you vote, the way you live, the way you protest, the pressure you bring to bear on your government, has an impact way beyond your borders. That is your privilege, and your burden.
If you choose to use your status and influence to raise your voice on behalf of those who have no voice; if you choose to identify not only with the powerful, but with the powerless; if you retain the ability to imagine yourself into the lives of those who do not have your advantages, then it will not only be your proud families who celebrate your existence, but thousands and millions of people whose reality you have helped transform for the better.
We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.
Friends and affection
I have one last hope for you, which is something that I already had at 21. The friends with whom I sat on graduation day have been my friends for life. They are my children's godparents, the people to whom I've been able to turn in times of trouble, friends who have been kind enough not to sue me when I've used their names for Death Eaters.
At our graduation we were bound by enormous affection, by our shared experience of a time that could never come again, and, of course, by the knowledge that we held certain photographic evidence that would be exceptionally valuable if any of us ran for Prime Minister.
So today, I can wish you nothing better than similar friendships. And tomorrow, I hope that even if you remember not a single word of mine, you remember those of Seneca, another of those old Romans I met when I fled down the Classics corridor, in retreat from career ladders, in search of ancient wisdom:
As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters.
These are excerpts from the author’s Harvard University commencement address in June 2008.

Order the Fuckin Pancakes

Coming home from Maria's 22nd bday clubbing at Honey Lounge on Hastings, me and 3 boys ( I was one of the guys that night) want nothing more than food. Denny's on Lougheed it was! Mark, who sometimes act more like a girl was sitting beside me. And I don't know how me and him got into stuck in a vicious cycle of asking each other:
Me:"Hey, should I get pancakes?" and Mark would say something like "Yeah I want pancakes too." And then I'd go back and say "Wait, I don't know if I can eat all of them." Mark again, "Hmm..yeah I want to get something else too, but I still want some pancakes."

10 minutes later, Chad and Chris were ready to kill us. Until Chris screams "Order the fucking pancakes!"

And you know what, we did. And they were good pancakes.

Ever since then, whenever my friends see me being indicisive. They're not afraid to yell "Order the fucking pancakes."

So that brings me to today's events.

A couple of night ago, I saw IronMan with cheer girls/guys. Sidenote: Pretty damn good movie, you should watch! One of them lets me know that there's a job opening at his company - a pretty big company, multinational. I was a bit hesitant to reply because I just came back from Vegas and LA trip and I'm just more inclined to do school.

Next night, thought about it some more.

The morning of, I called off the interview that my friend set up (Now looking back, I really am an idiot) I did have some reservation: 1) being school, 2) it will be a rushed day

Pause. I was just watching "Twilight" trailer on my other window. It looks like a good movie, based on a book. My manager loves vampire stories. Must tell her hehe...

Anyways, back to my story. I was thinking about this interview all day at work. I felt I made a very unnecessary action of letting go of something because of my anxiety about the future.

But you know what, there was just something about today. As if I was being cautiously led back to the same path - I dunno, call it a woman's instinct. During the day, work was slow in the morning. My boss tells me she's leaving work early to get some shots. The later part of lunch picked up a bit and I was a bit scared that I might not finish before 4 (interview was at 5 and an hr away). All this time, in the back of my mind is that chance I let go of. I think this is the worst worst worst state you can let your mind get into. I didn't know how to confront this. Looking back in the past, as I have done many times too- in relationships, etc. It's harmful because these thoughts can really consume you. Even for a bit, my manager asked me if I was okay, asked me if I had too many things on hand and that she would alleviate some. But I said I was fine.

Sometime between lunch and 3pm, I texted my dad and told him that I am second guessing my decision. I felt anguish and awful. I mean I know it won't be too bad, but it came to the point that I know I would look back at this.

I texted my sister and obviously, I knew she would say something stupid like "ohh you bitch, I told you to take it! You need to be more user-friendly" Who knows what that means

3:30. Jeanny asked me if I had anything else that needs to be done. Oh I love you Jean!! Yes, she helped me with the other funding loans. I have some things I left, but I told Nick that I would come in early tomorrow and do them then.

I felt this rush! I left work. Told my dad to help me fix my resume a bit.
I texted E on skytrain : "Hey, did I miss the boat. I've been thinking about this interview. Can I still go?"

He replied. "Hahaha, if you can make it"

And everything else fell into place, and somehow, there's a very small voice inside me that says they all would. As I got off the skytrain, the bus 116 was just about to leave! 4:40 and I was already by glenlyons park. I asked the bus driver if he could let me know when we arrive at Best Buy HQ. A few minutes later he asked if I want the Best Buy store or HQ. I said HQ, and he said "I thought so too. You look all dressed up". "Thank you, I'm going for an interview that my friend set me up two days ago." And the next few words he said really made me happy. He said that he has a feeling that I will get that job. I laughed. "Are you sure?" And he said yes many times over. It was drizzling and a bit cold outside. Me, my skirt and white blouse. I didn't care! That was a good bus driver. Good man!

I'm singing in the rain...lala

My dad was waiting by the Best Buy parking lot to work on resume. Im so last minute. He waved. Awww I love my dad. He is sooo supportive! =) I don't know how he seems calm and unaffected by my craziness and all the rush. I felt I had adrenaline pumping through my veins non stop.

So to top the day off, my phone just had to die right when E was calling. And again, I jumped on a stranger and asked him to borrow his phone. I was just waiting for my dad to finish printing off resume. Told him my dad works with him at Nokia.
Anyways, got to Best buy finally. I couldnt access E's number using my dad's cell. So I asked for him from the guard.

All I could do was sit and wait. And that was not good for someone pumping with so much adrenaline. I need to run or something. But finally, E walked out with my resume! Hahhaha shit, oh yeah I forgot my resume in the car, the one my dad rushed to print. More often than not, my little sister would call me a waste of life. And this is one of those times when I think I am.

Anyways, I didnt need to print resume. Chatted with E for a bit.

N was the person conducting the interview, and I like him. Hope he likes me too. Anyways it was awesome.

I bought myself icecream. It's all good :D

Oh yeah moral:
CONVICTION
DRIVE
INSTINCT

or save yourself the trouble, "just order the fucking pancakes!"

AND STICK WITH IT!

WEEEEE

I'm going to LA and Las Vegas!!!!!! Weeeeeeeeeee!!!! Gosh I'm so excited ehhehehhe...

Things to bring:

0. Passport, print out itinerary, hotel info, shuttle info, plane info, IDs, wallet, etc.
1. Swimsuits!!
2. Shoes & socks - flipflop, 2 formal/clubbing sandals, comfortable runners
3. Toiletries - Face wash, shampoo, conditioner, lotion, makeup, sunblock, haircurler, contact lens case, contact lens solution, fake lash
4. Bags - small, carry on, usual pursue
5. Hair Accessories, Accessories
6. Dress
7. Clubbing clothes
8. Gifts for Sheba, Gian, Matthew, and Maria's uncle
9. Make video greet for Tricia's wedding.
10. Hat??
11. Wear beater

To do:
-Get a tan
-Catch up with old classmates
-Watch cirque du soleil
-Make video greet for Tricia's wedding
-Take lots of pictures

NOT to do:
-Don't get married
-Don't get too drunk (maybee :))

Mondayyy

Alright...as usual, I'm writing here again to vent out. I think my blog will find it unfair that I write only the negatives. Next time I'll write the good as well :) and there are tons teehee. Come next week, I'll be getting ready to leave for my LA and Las Vegas trip...wooohoo! 7 girls 5 nights in Vegas and some good 3 days in LA.

I am a bit stressed out about exams. There is one class that I'm not doing very well in. One of my weakness is calculus. I might have to take it again, hmmm, I really hope not....

Anywhooo....I miss the gym. Exercise really does wonder!! I noticed I wake up and would feel well rested, I don't crave coffee either. Just thinking about hitting the gym actually gives me more energy. And for some reason, I don't feel too hungry either. I shall go back to that after finals.

Wooh..deep breath...

Ok back to studyingg...

What to do...

Hmm..I just want to throw this out there. I'm in another fork again. Which way do I go?

This summer, specifically the months of July and August. I do have the chance to:

A. Take summer school - which for the most of the year, I had planned on doing. Not too excited for this option. Yet, I know I'll be able to save up and spend time at work. Obviously this will bring me closer to graduation.


B. Visit the Philippines - Spend money... But it is also one of my elementary friend's wedding (July 15th). It'll be a good chance to visit other islands in the Philippines. I'm just not sure how many. This Friday is actually the deadline for purchasing a buy one domestic, get one international flight free- or so they say.

Another reason, which has really been bugging me on and off, is a matter of the heart. There is someone there I wish to see and talk to -seek closure perhaps.

I just finished watching "My Big Love" with Sam Milby and Toni Gonzaga ( love those two ^^). Anyways, Aira (Toni) is a personal trainer and her 5 steps:
1. Set a goal
2. Start now. There are no shortcuts.
3. Be Honest
4. Find Motivation
5. Be Happy

I feel I'm missing many things here, or I might just be looking at the glass half-empty. Either way, I know I need to decide and just go through it. I think I would very much like to go for option two. Yet, I feel I am bailing on myself for the goals I laid out...but I would like a peace of mind. I want to get to step 5 again. I know I can.

Oh god...

I know studies say that we dream for however many times and wake up not knowing what we dreamt about. I rarely have dreams, at least, vivid enough to remember them. But I came home really tired from work yesterday, 7ish pm, done, pass out - for the next 12 hours. It must've been a good dream because I know I woke up in a middle of it, and then closed my eyes and went back to that dream. Like watching a movie, a pause, and then I just went back to where I left off. I remember vaguely it was something about me being a girlfriend of some guy that I wouldn't say I have any anger towards, but definately not so much affection either. Maybe I find him mysterious, I guess I'm feeling curious.

But anyways, I wonder....I just thought it was kinda peculiar...