Argh, exams tomorrow. Of course, I do everything else...like blogging, which I never do on a usual basis. I do believe that keeping a journal is a good reminder of past lessons. I just want to empty my mind. I don't understand why I'm such a worry wart. See?? It bugs me that I don't understand why I worry. Anyways, I purchased a flight for me and my sister to the island of B. B is a party island which I had tons tons of fun 3 years ago. But upon deciding - which was on a whim, it dawned on me a few days later now that that was not part of my plan. I'm already spending money and time on various islands such as C and P.
I know the reasons why I worry, ah here goes the truth, maybe it'll help ease the worry I'm feeling right now hehe:
1. B island is very touristy and very expensive in PHP standards. This was not part of my budget.
2. Ugh, I have this bad habit of checking flights when I already booked my own. And one of my greatest fear materialized. There, on zestair.com.ph is a cheaper flight with decent times for $40 less than what I paid for. Of course, in my mind, it was in PHP terms so add a few more 000!
3. Will be going with my little sister. I don't know why I feel obligated to pay for her. She's a sweet girl of course, no complain. But clubbing with her last week made me realize that little sisters and me clubbing just don't go together. Why? Because I feel like I have to watch out for her. Ah, I feel like a mom. But the truth is, she is probably more mature and far responsible than when I was her age. The other truth is, I would very much like to be free of responsibility. Wanting to be stupid? Sure, I haven't done anything stupid because I am too busy to do so hehe. But anyways, I'm sure having her there is not such a bad thing. If anything, she will keep me grounded as always. Sigh, I still want to be stupid. Hehe, maybe on the next island, but definately will do in this lifetime.
4. Discipline. Again this comes down to discipline and focus. Now, I have some explaining to do to my family why I would be leaving right the next day that I land in Manila..sighh..
5. My friend M bought up a really good point today. It really is not about where you go, but who you are with. I would definately have fun with the people I'm with, they're on the party people side, but now that I really think about it. I do feel bad for not settling down in Manila first.
Ah we'll see how things go. I just want to let go of worries.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Saturday, November 8, 2008
life is....
Saw Sta. mesa today at the Vancouver Asian Film Festival. I wanted to cry at some parts but I just stopped myself. Then I saw my little sister crying, so its okay. I think she cried for me too.
Anyways, so talking to my ex on msn. Lol...I dunno how I felt when he's started writing stuff in korean...like his response "I see" or you know something...then, he wrote something
?? ?? and...."that's your name in Korean" so that made my mind shut up.
Alright long day tomorrow...here I come! :D
Anyways, so talking to my ex on msn. Lol...I dunno how I felt when he's started writing stuff in korean...like his response "I see" or you know something...then, he wrote something
?? ?? and...."that's your name in Korean" so that made my mind shut up.
Alright long day tomorrow...here I come! :D
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Ai
It was a pretty long day at work. Everything went smooth, but lately the amount of work has gone down - which is both good and bad.
I got a call from H, my workout buddy. Out of all my guy friends, this guy is probably one of the most motivated and really hard working guy. And fair enough, his work pays off. Heheh, lately I think I'm becoming cocky around him - getting comfortable.
Today, I opened up to him about meeting my exbf over the weekend. We went jogging around Rocky Point Park - that place is sooo beautiful. They've improved a lot of things in that park. There's also a new gym in Port Moody with touch screen treadmills (cool, eh?).
I think it hit me at one time, that park is actually the place where me and my ex first talked about our relationship. And it doesn't ache anymore to remember that. Its a really beautiful place now (and even then too).
I don't mean to be bringing up the ex. I just want to figure out what this means for me. A large part of me is truly very happy, I could cry (tears of joy) - really content that he is happy. Yet, I know this week has revealed other things - it opened up that space again. So who is for me?
On the other side of the globe, heheh I am so happy for my cousin Ai. Finally, she got the courage to say "hi" to her crush since forever. I got her offline messages heheh. I am so proud of her. I wonder where she blogs because she said she will write this date as memorable.
Hummm...dang, where is love?
I got a call from H, my workout buddy. Out of all my guy friends, this guy is probably one of the most motivated and really hard working guy. And fair enough, his work pays off. Heheh, lately I think I'm becoming cocky around him - getting comfortable.
Today, I opened up to him about meeting my exbf over the weekend. We went jogging around Rocky Point Park - that place is sooo beautiful. They've improved a lot of things in that park. There's also a new gym in Port Moody with touch screen treadmills (cool, eh?).
I think it hit me at one time, that park is actually the place where me and my ex first talked about our relationship. And it doesn't ache anymore to remember that. Its a really beautiful place now (and even then too).
I don't mean to be bringing up the ex. I just want to figure out what this means for me. A large part of me is truly very happy, I could cry (tears of joy) - really content that he is happy. Yet, I know this week has revealed other things - it opened up that space again. So who is for me?
On the other side of the globe, heheh I am so happy for my cousin Ai. Finally, she got the courage to say "hi" to her crush since forever. I got her offline messages heheh. I am so proud of her. I wonder where she blogs because she said she will write this date as memorable.
Hummm...dang, where is love?
Monday, July 7, 2008
Conversations with an exboyfriend
See previous post.
I don't want to put too much here, but I do want to say that today and yesterday is proof to me that God exists. Yesterday I bumped into my exboyfriend at Richmond Centre. I did not see him for about 2 years. I felt mixed emotions - my heart was racing, but it was not the same as before. I think, ultimately, I was just happy to see him.
He messaged me on msn today and we had this wonderful conversation. I know that sounds gay, and again, I am not trying to sound romantic, btw. The funny thing is, he bought up yesterday's meeting and he felt the same way I did. There really were no words to exchange. Maybe it was just through our eyes or smiles that we both send the message that we are both okay. He acknowledged that both of us didn't really have closure, but that time apart was necessary. And I agree.
God exists. I did not see this guy for 2 years. Its too much of a coincidence to bump into him at Richmond. Somehow he was fated to be there, and at this time of my life too. I'm going to call this month (july) "closure month". Honestly, there are guys coming up to me- even from highschool wanting to go for coffee- have that talk. And you know what, I'm okay with that.
He's got a girl he's seeing now. I know he will treat her well, and I hope she does the same too.
Everything was good until E said I kinda look chubby, damn...okay I am going to work out. Damn you hehehe.
Pain passes, but beauty remains.
This chapter is closed. I am good to go on the next one. Thank you, Big Guy.
I don't want to put too much here, but I do want to say that today and yesterday is proof to me that God exists. Yesterday I bumped into my exboyfriend at Richmond Centre. I did not see him for about 2 years. I felt mixed emotions - my heart was racing, but it was not the same as before. I think, ultimately, I was just happy to see him.
He messaged me on msn today and we had this wonderful conversation. I know that sounds gay, and again, I am not trying to sound romantic, btw. The funny thing is, he bought up yesterday's meeting and he felt the same way I did. There really were no words to exchange. Maybe it was just through our eyes or smiles that we both send the message that we are both okay. He acknowledged that both of us didn't really have closure, but that time apart was necessary. And I agree.
God exists. I did not see this guy for 2 years. Its too much of a coincidence to bump into him at Richmond. Somehow he was fated to be there, and at this time of my life too. I'm going to call this month (july) "closure month". Honestly, there are guys coming up to me- even from highschool wanting to go for coffee- have that talk. And you know what, I'm okay with that.
He's got a girl he's seeing now. I know he will treat her well, and I hope she does the same too.
Everything was good until E said I kinda look chubby, damn...okay I am going to work out. Damn you hehehe.
Pain passes, but beauty remains.
This chapter is closed. I am good to go on the next one. Thank you, Big Guy.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
First Chinese Wedding and more..
I pretty much spent the whole day with E. His co-worker got married. Hmm...the day was pretty long, because of a four hour break in between the church ceremony and reception.
One very unexpected event that happened to me is that I bumped into my exboyfriend while walking around Richmond Centre. I think me and E were leaving a cellphone store. This sounds really cliche; but, he was just there walking right in front of me. J, one of their family friends was there too. I felt like I had no knees. I was probably smiling like an idiot and babbling here and there. I knew I felt happy and awkward. Someone might as well have dropped a bucket of water on me.
Before, I used to think of the day I would run into him. I thought of things that I would say - and even then, I wouldn't really have anything to say. I've ran out of explanations and apologies. They're not enough. And today, just not necessary. I really felt relieved. I am happy. I know he is doing good. Thank you, Lord.
The wedding was traditional Chinese- 13 course meals! Yeah baby! :)
Oh! I bought a book too called "Socrates in Love"
One very unexpected event that happened to me is that I bumped into my exboyfriend while walking around Richmond Centre. I think me and E were leaving a cellphone store. This sounds really cliche; but, he was just there walking right in front of me. J, one of their family friends was there too. I felt like I had no knees. I was probably smiling like an idiot and babbling here and there. I knew I felt happy and awkward. Someone might as well have dropped a bucket of water on me.
Before, I used to think of the day I would run into him. I thought of things that I would say - and even then, I wouldn't really have anything to say. I've ran out of explanations and apologies. They're not enough. And today, just not necessary. I really felt relieved. I am happy. I know he is doing good. Thank you, Lord.
The wedding was traditional Chinese- 13 course meals! Yeah baby! :)
Oh! I bought a book too called "Socrates in Love"
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Troilus And Criseyde
I first met G through a friend about 2 weeks ago. I remember walking along Granville St. with some friends- looking for a club to go into for P's bday. Anyways, no luck getting in Caprice because it was past midnight on a Saturday night. We traced our steps and I saw my friend B lining up at the Royale. B is friends with G. So that's how I know G.
Anyways, I saw G at school today and had probably the most interesting conversation with him. I'm not sure how it even started because it felt like we talked about everything. And, its one of those conversations where you feel really good afterwards hahaha. I think now its because he is taking psychology and I swear that guy will make a good therapis lol! Or it could because the conversation was a good mixture of listening and talking and enough silence in between.
He had to write a paper about this classic book called "Troilus and Criseyde" by Chaucer (The Canterbury).
Our talk traveled from our present, to the future, to different countries, to cultures, to God, to love and back. Troilus and Criseyde is apparently a very good story of love, but with a sad ending. What struck me most, G said that women in the story had said somethings that they would do, but never followed through. I was stunned for a moment. Memories of a someone came to my mind. Yes, I have done that in the past. He said he hopes not all women are like that.
I said I agree. But, I didn't really give him the answer to why women do that. I am guilty of that. I have promised and broke my words. Why?
Because....(I had to think this through although it really only points to related things). Because of fear. I lost the courage to follow through. Hope was fading. I was afraid of the outcome - which is ultimately, myself getting hurt.
Anyways, I saw G at school today and had probably the most interesting conversation with him. I'm not sure how it even started because it felt like we talked about everything. And, its one of those conversations where you feel really good afterwards hahaha. I think now its because he is taking psychology and I swear that guy will make a good therapis lol! Or it could because the conversation was a good mixture of listening and talking and enough silence in between.
He had to write a paper about this classic book called "Troilus and Criseyde" by Chaucer (The Canterbury).
Our talk traveled from our present, to the future, to different countries, to cultures, to God, to love and back. Troilus and Criseyde is apparently a very good story of love, but with a sad ending. What struck me most, G said that women in the story had said somethings that they would do, but never followed through. I was stunned for a moment. Memories of a someone came to my mind. Yes, I have done that in the past. He said he hopes not all women are like that.
I said I agree. But, I didn't really give him the answer to why women do that. I am guilty of that. I have promised and broke my words. Why?
Because....(I had to think this through although it really only points to related things). Because of fear. I lost the courage to follow through. Hope was fading. I was afraid of the outcome - which is ultimately, myself getting hurt.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Love and global warming
Yahoo convo with my cousin from the Philippines. I'm not sure if she knows how much she's helped me through and through.
Jas: hey ate ai
ai: helol
ai: hows ur summer?
Jas: ohh grabe ang init
Jas: parang pinas hehe
ai: talga..i hope its not because of climate change
Jas: 35 degrees yesterday
ai: or ganyan talga kasi summer nga
Jas: actually summer here gets really hot din
Jas: pero i think global warmning is happening too
ai: eh kamusta naman ang lovelife mo
ai: meron ba?
Jas: wala nga eh heheh
Jas: i dunno why..i still think of that guy.
Jas: its kinda frustrating ksi i feel like its an unfinished business hayyy
ai: ok lang yun.. ako din wala.. pero I'm happy.. dont know nga. why I dont have the yearning na to have a bf.. before I did pero now ok lang ako..may mga crush.. pero I just enjoy it
ai: hindi ba kayo nagusap bago sya umalis?
Jas: heheh..gosh i wanna go back there just to hook u up with kit!
Jas: seriouslyyy hahah
ai: hehehee
Jas: yeahh im okayy...we talked but i never got to say sorry or outright said that i liked him ganon
Jas: pero parang too late na ...ksi one yr na rin lumipas eh
ai: bakit ka magsosorry sa kanya did you do anything wrong?
Jas: yeah...i think we had some miscommunications
Jas: like iniimbitahan nya ako to go somewhere and i chose to go out with someone else
Jas: ewan...i feel stupid doing that..ksi i was scared of gettign closer and getting hurt
Jas: but i think eventually, i hurt myself anyway coz i did missed him a lot
Jas: pero i've gotten better na..i dont feel like seeing other guys right now tho
ai: hayaan mo.. kapag nagbakasyon ka dito.. would you like to meet him. para lang to say those things.. yung mga reasons mo that time.
ai: kahit na maging friends na lang kayo oka lang sayo?
Jas: honestly...i cant remember much na, its been awhile, but i just feel bad na ganon nangyari..and i guess somewhat regretting - i think that's whats bothering me
Jas: yeah ewan ko rin if i wanna be friends..and im sure he's different na rin
ai: jas, trust your feeling... if you felt that way before.. ok lang yun.. that's how you felt...
Jas: thank you
Jas: i just wanna feel at peace ulit
Jas: hey ate ai
ai: helol
ai: hows ur summer?
Jas: ohh grabe ang init
Jas: parang pinas hehe
ai: talga..i hope its not because of climate change
Jas: 35 degrees yesterday
ai: or ganyan talga kasi summer nga
Jas: actually summer here gets really hot din
Jas: pero i think global warmning is happening too
ai: eh kamusta naman ang lovelife mo
ai: meron ba?
Jas: wala nga eh heheh
Jas: i dunno why..i still think of that guy.
Jas: its kinda frustrating ksi i feel like its an unfinished business hayyy
ai: ok lang yun.. ako din wala.. pero I'm happy.. dont know nga. why I dont have the yearning na to have a bf.. before I did pero now ok lang ako..may mga crush.. pero I just enjoy it
ai: hindi ba kayo nagusap bago sya umalis?
Jas: heheh..gosh i wanna go back there just to hook u up with kit!
Jas: seriouslyyy hahah
ai: hehehee
Jas: yeahh im okayy...we talked but i never got to say sorry or outright said that i liked him ganon
Jas: pero parang too late na ...ksi one yr na rin lumipas eh
ai: bakit ka magsosorry sa kanya did you do anything wrong?
Jas: yeah...i think we had some miscommunications
Jas: like iniimbitahan nya ako to go somewhere and i chose to go out with someone else
Jas: ewan...i feel stupid doing that..ksi i was scared of gettign closer and getting hurt
Jas: but i think eventually, i hurt myself anyway coz i did missed him a lot
Jas: pero i've gotten better na..i dont feel like seeing other guys right now tho
ai: hayaan mo.. kapag nagbakasyon ka dito.. would you like to meet him. para lang to say those things.. yung mga reasons mo that time.
ai: kahit na maging friends na lang kayo oka lang sayo?
Jas: honestly...i cant remember much na, its been awhile, but i just feel bad na ganon nangyari..and i guess somewhat regretting - i think that's whats bothering me
Jas: yeah ewan ko rin if i wanna be friends..and im sure he's different na rin
ai: jas, trust your feeling... if you felt that way before.. ok lang yun.. that's how you felt...
Jas: thank you
Jas: i just wanna feel at peace ulit
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