It was a pretty long day at work. Everything went smooth, but lately the amount of work has gone down - which is both good and bad.
I got a call from H, my workout buddy. Out of all my guy friends, this guy is probably one of the most motivated and really hard working guy. And fair enough, his work pays off. Heheh, lately I think I'm becoming cocky around him - getting comfortable.
Today, I opened up to him about meeting my exbf over the weekend. We went jogging around Rocky Point Park - that place is sooo beautiful. They've improved a lot of things in that park. There's also a new gym in Port Moody with touch screen treadmills (cool, eh?).
I think it hit me at one time, that park is actually the place where me and my ex first talked about our relationship. And it doesn't ache anymore to remember that. Its a really beautiful place now (and even then too).
I don't mean to be bringing up the ex. I just want to figure out what this means for me. A large part of me is truly very happy, I could cry (tears of joy) - really content that he is happy. Yet, I know this week has revealed other things - it opened up that space again. So who is for me?
On the other side of the globe, heheh I am so happy for my cousin Ai. Finally, she got the courage to say "hi" to her crush since forever. I got her offline messages heheh. I am so proud of her. I wonder where she blogs because she said she will write this date as memorable.
Hummm...dang, where is love?
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Monday, July 7, 2008
Conversations with an exboyfriend
See previous post.
I don't want to put too much here, but I do want to say that today and yesterday is proof to me that God exists. Yesterday I bumped into my exboyfriend at Richmond Centre. I did not see him for about 2 years. I felt mixed emotions - my heart was racing, but it was not the same as before. I think, ultimately, I was just happy to see him.
He messaged me on msn today and we had this wonderful conversation. I know that sounds gay, and again, I am not trying to sound romantic, btw. The funny thing is, he bought up yesterday's meeting and he felt the same way I did. There really were no words to exchange. Maybe it was just through our eyes or smiles that we both send the message that we are both okay. He acknowledged that both of us didn't really have closure, but that time apart was necessary. And I agree.
God exists. I did not see this guy for 2 years. Its too much of a coincidence to bump into him at Richmond. Somehow he was fated to be there, and at this time of my life too. I'm going to call this month (july) "closure month". Honestly, there are guys coming up to me- even from highschool wanting to go for coffee- have that talk. And you know what, I'm okay with that.
He's got a girl he's seeing now. I know he will treat her well, and I hope she does the same too.
Everything was good until E said I kinda look chubby, damn...okay I am going to work out. Damn you hehehe.
Pain passes, but beauty remains.
This chapter is closed. I am good to go on the next one. Thank you, Big Guy.
I don't want to put too much here, but I do want to say that today and yesterday is proof to me that God exists. Yesterday I bumped into my exboyfriend at Richmond Centre. I did not see him for about 2 years. I felt mixed emotions - my heart was racing, but it was not the same as before. I think, ultimately, I was just happy to see him.
He messaged me on msn today and we had this wonderful conversation. I know that sounds gay, and again, I am not trying to sound romantic, btw. The funny thing is, he bought up yesterday's meeting and he felt the same way I did. There really were no words to exchange. Maybe it was just through our eyes or smiles that we both send the message that we are both okay. He acknowledged that both of us didn't really have closure, but that time apart was necessary. And I agree.
God exists. I did not see this guy for 2 years. Its too much of a coincidence to bump into him at Richmond. Somehow he was fated to be there, and at this time of my life too. I'm going to call this month (july) "closure month". Honestly, there are guys coming up to me- even from highschool wanting to go for coffee- have that talk. And you know what, I'm okay with that.
He's got a girl he's seeing now. I know he will treat her well, and I hope she does the same too.
Everything was good until E said I kinda look chubby, damn...okay I am going to work out. Damn you hehehe.
Pain passes, but beauty remains.
This chapter is closed. I am good to go on the next one. Thank you, Big Guy.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
First Chinese Wedding and more..
I pretty much spent the whole day with E. His co-worker got married. Hmm...the day was pretty long, because of a four hour break in between the church ceremony and reception.
One very unexpected event that happened to me is that I bumped into my exboyfriend while walking around Richmond Centre. I think me and E were leaving a cellphone store. This sounds really cliche; but, he was just there walking right in front of me. J, one of their family friends was there too. I felt like I had no knees. I was probably smiling like an idiot and babbling here and there. I knew I felt happy and awkward. Someone might as well have dropped a bucket of water on me.
Before, I used to think of the day I would run into him. I thought of things that I would say - and even then, I wouldn't really have anything to say. I've ran out of explanations and apologies. They're not enough. And today, just not necessary. I really felt relieved. I am happy. I know he is doing good. Thank you, Lord.
The wedding was traditional Chinese- 13 course meals! Yeah baby! :)
Oh! I bought a book too called "Socrates in Love"
One very unexpected event that happened to me is that I bumped into my exboyfriend while walking around Richmond Centre. I think me and E were leaving a cellphone store. This sounds really cliche; but, he was just there walking right in front of me. J, one of their family friends was there too. I felt like I had no knees. I was probably smiling like an idiot and babbling here and there. I knew I felt happy and awkward. Someone might as well have dropped a bucket of water on me.
Before, I used to think of the day I would run into him. I thought of things that I would say - and even then, I wouldn't really have anything to say. I've ran out of explanations and apologies. They're not enough. And today, just not necessary. I really felt relieved. I am happy. I know he is doing good. Thank you, Lord.
The wedding was traditional Chinese- 13 course meals! Yeah baby! :)
Oh! I bought a book too called "Socrates in Love"
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Troilus And Criseyde
I first met G through a friend about 2 weeks ago. I remember walking along Granville St. with some friends- looking for a club to go into for P's bday. Anyways, no luck getting in Caprice because it was past midnight on a Saturday night. We traced our steps and I saw my friend B lining up at the Royale. B is friends with G. So that's how I know G.
Anyways, I saw G at school today and had probably the most interesting conversation with him. I'm not sure how it even started because it felt like we talked about everything. And, its one of those conversations where you feel really good afterwards hahaha. I think now its because he is taking psychology and I swear that guy will make a good therapis lol! Or it could because the conversation was a good mixture of listening and talking and enough silence in between.
He had to write a paper about this classic book called "Troilus and Criseyde" by Chaucer (The Canterbury).
Our talk traveled from our present, to the future, to different countries, to cultures, to God, to love and back. Troilus and Criseyde is apparently a very good story of love, but with a sad ending. What struck me most, G said that women in the story had said somethings that they would do, but never followed through. I was stunned for a moment. Memories of a someone came to my mind. Yes, I have done that in the past. He said he hopes not all women are like that.
I said I agree. But, I didn't really give him the answer to why women do that. I am guilty of that. I have promised and broke my words. Why?
Because....(I had to think this through although it really only points to related things). Because of fear. I lost the courage to follow through. Hope was fading. I was afraid of the outcome - which is ultimately, myself getting hurt.
Anyways, I saw G at school today and had probably the most interesting conversation with him. I'm not sure how it even started because it felt like we talked about everything. And, its one of those conversations where you feel really good afterwards hahaha. I think now its because he is taking psychology and I swear that guy will make a good therapis lol! Or it could because the conversation was a good mixture of listening and talking and enough silence in between.
He had to write a paper about this classic book called "Troilus and Criseyde" by Chaucer (The Canterbury).
Our talk traveled from our present, to the future, to different countries, to cultures, to God, to love and back. Troilus and Criseyde is apparently a very good story of love, but with a sad ending. What struck me most, G said that women in the story had said somethings that they would do, but never followed through. I was stunned for a moment. Memories of a someone came to my mind. Yes, I have done that in the past. He said he hopes not all women are like that.
I said I agree. But, I didn't really give him the answer to why women do that. I am guilty of that. I have promised and broke my words. Why?
Because....(I had to think this through although it really only points to related things). Because of fear. I lost the courage to follow through. Hope was fading. I was afraid of the outcome - which is ultimately, myself getting hurt.
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